The perfect conditions don't exist. Waiting for them to manifest has long been my go to excuse for procrastination. I just need this one more thing, a better night's sleep, to get over this cold, more time, etc. I guess part of it is trying to mitigate the likelihood of failure or more accurately putting off the inevitability of failure. Failing tends to reinforce the huge, unspoken, number one fear: maybe I'm actually not very good at this and I never will be. But it also precludes success.
I think I have finally accepted that doing things is the only way to get good at doing things. All the planning, preparing, contemplating, scheming is not going to get it done. Over the last year I've slowly produced some work (a lot, really) that I'm relatively happy with. Who would've thought that a consistent, sustained effort was the path to good results? Well, why not? I've tried everything else.
As to wether I'm actually any good at what I'm dedicating my time and effort to, that is yet to be determined. I do know that I am a lot happier when being creative than when I'm not. Teaching is not going to fill that need ever. It usually falls some where between an insult and something that is at least easily forgotten when five o'clock rolls around.
Now if I can just apply this new found "work ethic" to writing, learning Japanese, learning to drive, making music, exercising… sigh.
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