Chagall Y'all (An' Ya Don't Stop)

This one came out more whimsical than I had intended. I immediately thought of Chagall and his people flying/ floating off into the sky, suns and moons. I'm pretty sure Chagall was the first show I ever saw in a museum. I remember being moved by it and thinking about for weeks after. Amazingly it still took me more than a year afterwards to realize that I liked art and perhaps making it would be a good way to spend my time. Gotta do it the hard way.

Anyway, I may be the only one who sees some Chagall in this but it was worth it just for the title of this post.

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By the way, short opinion poll: I (almost) never title my work but when I do think of a title it's usually something goofy or taken from song lyrics or a bad joke. I don't often keep the titles because I don't want the work to seem too humorous ( although there is humor in most of my work) and most of all, I don't want to answer questions about them. What do you think about funny titles? For example, calling this one "Chagall Y'all". Takes away from the work? Adds to it? It's a wash?

Degenerated

As I have written about before, I wear a mouth guard to keep me from asphyxiating myself in my sleep. It worked great and I felt like I was actually benefitting from sleep for the first time in my adult life. But the left side of my jaw started hurting and causing nonstop headaches about a month ago. We adjusted the positioning of lower jaw vis a vis upper jaw and the pain went away.

After a few days I felt tired but I didn't think too much about it because I've been busy, drinking a bit more beer than usual and going to sleep a little late. By the end of the week I was a mess. My body ached, I couldn't keep my eyes open and had a hell of a time dragging myself to the studio. I realized that this is how I used to feel most of the time. I recorded myself sleeping and the snoring was back along with the telltale sounds of my breathing stopping and starting again with a grunt/ gasp. The mouth guard wasn't doing the job anymore. It's amazing how quickly I returned to my former condition and how (now that I can compare it to a much better state) shit it was!

I went back and we tweaked things again. Oh great god of dental devices, please let this work.

I got some small paintings done this week. They are much more thickly painted and more limited in colour range then what I've been doing but it's nice to do something different just to keep things fresh. I started another batch of 6 also and have done the first pass. Sunday I will entertain some friends on my balcony so I won't be able to work on them til Tuesday ("He said shut up! He said shut up!"). That's ok. I think I need to come back with fresh eyes.

I'm going to two art openings today. My first ones here. One is at CAP and the other at a gallery whose owner I've met. Familiar grounds and a good chance to practice my art opening small talk in Japanese. As I mentioned above, though, I'm not exactly in top form. I'm not really in the mood to be alive, let alone socialize and talk art in Japanese. Exhausting.

Call Me Rabbit Fighter

I spent the day priming three large canvases with rabbit skin glue. It has a distinct odor as you can imagine and after eight hours it gets to be a bit much. One more coat tomorrow and it's all systems go. I'll make sure those brave bunnies did not die in vain.

I had a painting, a straggler, left over from the last batch that was not resolving itself easily. I mounted one more attack on it today and I'm pleased with the results. I seem to be developing the ability to fight through rough times and bring a painting to a satisfactory end without either stubbornly sticking with what's wrong with it, or scrapping the whole thing and throwing my entire existence on this planet into question. Maturity? Who me? Couldn't be.

I think I've finally reached the point in my Japanese speaking journey where I don't give a shit about making mistakes. Could be a turning point, springboard and awakening all wrapped into one. As I'm walking away from a conversation I often realize, "Oh! That's what he meant!". Before, that would have been so embarrassing as to put me off speaking for days. Not now. If someone thinks I'm an idiot, I'll live with it. He's probably the one who's an idiot anyway, right guys?

I can't stop listening to Led Zeppelin. Mostly Houses of The Holy, Physical Graffiti, and In Through The Out Door. Jimmy Page's production skills are often taken for granted but he is a complete genius when it comes to recording. Listen to how many different guitar sounds he uses; often within the same song. On the other hand it's surprising that the heaviest songs often have little or no guitar overdubs. Just pure excellence.

In My Time of Dying

I've fallen into the old trap of waiting for something "brilliant" to write when I should just keep up the pace and the good stuff will come. This is a problem I've avoided for the last year or so in my visual art, never going too long without doing work, and I hope I can get over it when it comes to writing as well. Well thought out ides are great but, at least for me, everything good comes from doing. It's never what you plan from the start and it's always better than that anyway. Even for music; I remember having a cheap tape machine with a cheap blank tape and a few times a day I would press record and pound out the first 4 or 5 things that my fingers played. I filled a few tapes full of awful crap but also wrote most of my best songs during that time.

So, you think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Last week was the peak of my allergies as well as severe jaw pain and headaches brought on by the mouthpiece I use to sleep (what is he talking about? ), but both problems seem to be solved now and I'm back in business again . I finished 6 more paintings the week before last but for the first time in two months I went 7 days without doing 6 paintings. I spent most of my time (the little that I could) in my studio building several new canvases. Some small, but 3, 5'X4' ones that I hope to start work on late this week or early next.

I've had a few visitors to my studio and I've been making a big effort to be welcoming and to answer questions in a non-defensive, pleasant tone. The switching of my brain from work mode to social mode is never a smooth nor quick one, but I'm trying. And it's all in Japanese.

The most interest has been in my paper constructions that I've built over the last few months. I should run with it instead of my usual reaction which would be to do the exact opposite of that. But I like them a lot too and for whatever reason people seem drawn to them. We'll see.

Coming up, on November 2nd, I will have a party here at CAP. The party will include an artist's talk given by good ol' me. I will try to do most of the simple introduction and general background stuff in Japanese but I will switch to English when it comes time to talk more deeply about art. It's hard enough to do in English. I'm looking for someone to translate for me so keep your fingers crossed. I really don't want to have to sacrifice what I want to say for the sake of either speaking in Japanese or making my English simple enough to be understood by most. That would be a shame.

More to come.

Symptoms of the Universe

My respiratory system has continued on it's all too predictable downward path. But a heavy cough that is like a punch to the chest, and a constant sweaty dizziness (the sweaty part might be because despite being mid-Septamber it is above 30 degrees) have yet to take me out of the game. I hit the studio every day and turned out six more paintings this week.

I'm much happier with the results and wonder if being sick and having to switch my brain to a sort of autopilot is not the best way for me to work. I'm sure the uneasiness of suddenly painting in a completely new environment had something to do with last week's mediocre output as well. It feels like I'm back on track despite my health being derailed.

I've also started a few smaller paintings that I hope to work on over a couple of weeks, going for a much more built up surface. The opposite of my other paintings.

A large roll of canvas should be arriving at my door next week, so I'll finally be able to begin applying my new work method to some larger surfaces (150cm x150cm?).

Painter Down

I  finished the first group of six paintings (Sept.6) since moving into the studio. The results were mixed. I tried to keep as light a touch and as limited a palette as I could but I feel the results are too tentative. I spent too much time worrying over making exactly the right move and that usually doesn't work out  well for me. My immediate reactions are usually more interesting than my most thought out compositional strategies. That either says a lot about my natural abilities or about my brain power.

No time to dwell, though, and I started the next six. Who knows what I'll think of these a week or two from now. It's often hard to separate the negative feelings and thoughts that you had during the creative process from the actual object that results. It takes time.

Been listening to a lot of Yeasayer, the newest Vampire Weekend, and a new EP by Fleetwood Mac in the studio these days.

As for the title of this post, it refers not only to my feelings about the latest work, but also to my allergies which, like clockwork, have resumed their barrage against me and my lungs. Thanks to the excellent treatment I've been getting from my new doctor, the actual asthma symptoms have been mild. But the phlegm, flushness, dizziness, and non-stop headaches have been in full effect.

I press on.

4 Days, 3 Nights

I was back in Nagasaki for the first time since moving. A home coming? I'm not sure. I don't exactly have a home there, only my cozy/ filthy studio. I guess it is my home, though. It's where I will eventually return and stay for the foreseeable future. So let's call it home.

Since I can remember, I've never been from where I lived. This must have some deep psychological ramifications, but...I'll let that go for now. At least, recently going to Hudson every summer has felt a lot like going home. If I had to choose a home that would probably be it anyway.

I got a couple of days of light painting done (mostly dicking around), one night of drinking with the boys, and one day of hangover/ family time. Not a bad long weekend.

My wife seemed very happy to be back. It's her home. 100%.

Sailor's Delight

You struggle to create something beautiful, something that has never been but that once created must be, something that jumps into your brain through your eyes and pokes, pinches, and fondles just the right parts.

Then the sky does something like this, as if to say" Umm, whatcha doin' down there? Oh art. That's nice...such pretty colours. Keep at it. If you need me, I'll be up here (cough*loser*cough)".

Watch Me Jumpstart

First work day in the studio. I laid down the first round on six small paintings. I've been doing six small paintings a week for the last couple of months. I go at it quickly with as little interference from my brain as possible and then go back and work with whatever is there in two or three short follow up sessions. The result is a kind of false spontaneity that will do fine until I can get to actual spontaneity.

Met my across-the-hall neighbour. I was a bit nervous but turns out she lived in the states for twenty-five years and speaks English. That made it easier.

It's still pouring rain, and has been since I got back from Canada about two weeks ago. The heavy smothering humidity that comes with a rainy, thirty degree day hasn't been good to my asthma but I shall overcome. It's the kind of weather where you walk somewhere and when you arrive you can't tell which parts of you are wet from rain and which from sweat. Unpleasant.

I had to leave at five because Tuesday nights I take the train out to a suburb (I guess you'd call it that) of Kobe and teach two different students at their respective homes. The teaching part is fine but the travel is a drag. Coming back is a twenty minute walk plus a train ride. I end up getting home at around eleven thirty. I haven't calculated what the pay works out to per hour and I don't want to.

The Move

I moved some stuff in to the studio on Sunday morning. A typhoon was just brushing by so it was raining buckets, windy, thunder, lightning; the whole deal.

I got the quick tour and it should be a very comfortable place to work. There's a kitchen, lockers, a workshop and more. Pretty luxurious compared to my old studio with no hot water...plus this place is quite a bit bigger. 

I didn't actually get any work done because I had to get home and take care of my husbandly duties. My wife had a co-worker over and I was charged with making a lavish meal. Which I did.

Bought some odds and ends for the studio today and tomorrow will be the first official day of work. Unfortunately, I only have until five because I have have to go teach some English (yeah still doing that).

Open Door

September 1st, I start a 3 month residency at C.A.P. in Kobe. It is an open studio that is funded by Kobe city. In exchange for a studio space, I have to keep the door open and welcome any curious visitors. 

On the downside, I'm worried how having spectators, or potential spectators, will effect my work. I've been working in near total isolation for years and I've gotten used to not having to explain myself half way through something,  not having to make up stories to justify and explain what I'm doing. This was a source of constant irritation when I was in school and shared a studio with countless other students, many of whom seemed to be there mostly to talk. Now, I make something and then it goes on a shelf. Done. 

Also I have to be more aware of sudden insane singing, talking to myself, butt scratching and nose picking. Not easy.

On the upside, if this doesn't force me to improve my Japanese, nothing will. It's definitely a diving into the deep end approach. In English, I can meander along until I get to a point that sounds right, but in Japanese I will need to decide what to say and boil it down to a short and clear point before I start to speak (and I mean days before). And then pray I can understand the follow up question.

Also, not to jinx it, but this is the first career step I've made art-wise in over 10 years. Since moving to Kobe last April, quitting my job, and focussing on not just making art but being an artist , I am beginning to see some pay off. The old negative voice in my head that would have talked myself out of doing anything before I even got started is nowhere to be heard. Positivity!! Yes!! I hope I don't get hit by a bus on the way there.

I've been on a roll lately, with a series of loose and quick paintings (one is pictured above) that are at least somewhat approaching the kind spontaneity I have found lacking in my paintings since... always. I hope to increase the scale now that I have the space but hopefully I can just keep doing what I'm doing. Happy that I don't have to spend most of the three months searching for what to pursue. 

So, for the first time, I will use this blog in a very bloggy way, and try to update everyday on what went on in the studio. Please check in as often as you can. I know it may not be the most interesting subject to everyone but I welcome your comments. They are very encouraging.