In My Time of Dying

I've fallen into the old trap of waiting for something "brilliant" to write when I should just keep up the pace and the good stuff will come. This is a problem I've avoided for the last year or so in my visual art, never going too long without doing work, and I hope I can get over it when it comes to writing as well. Well thought out ides are great but, at least for me, everything good comes from doing. It's never what you plan from the start and it's always better than that anyway. Even for music; I remember having a cheap tape machine with a cheap blank tape and a few times a day I would press record and pound out the first 4 or 5 things that my fingers played. I filled a few tapes full of awful crap but also wrote most of my best songs during that time.

So, you think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Last week was the peak of my allergies as well as severe jaw pain and headaches brought on by the mouthpiece I use to sleep (what is he talking about? ), but both problems seem to be solved now and I'm back in business again . I finished 6 more paintings the week before last but for the first time in two months I went 7 days without doing 6 paintings. I spent most of my time (the little that I could) in my studio building several new canvases. Some small, but 3, 5'X4' ones that I hope to start work on late this week or early next.

I've had a few visitors to my studio and I've been making a big effort to be welcoming and to answer questions in a non-defensive, pleasant tone. The switching of my brain from work mode to social mode is never a smooth nor quick one, but I'm trying. And it's all in Japanese.

The most interest has been in my paper constructions that I've built over the last few months. I should run with it instead of my usual reaction which would be to do the exact opposite of that. But I like them a lot too and for whatever reason people seem drawn to them. We'll see.

Coming up, on November 2nd, I will have a party here at CAP. The party will include an artist's talk given by good ol' me. I will try to do most of the simple introduction and general background stuff in Japanese but I will switch to English when it comes time to talk more deeply about art. It's hard enough to do in English. I'm looking for someone to translate for me so keep your fingers crossed. I really don't want to have to sacrifice what I want to say for the sake of either speaking in Japanese or making my English simple enough to be understood by most. That would be a shame.

More to come.

Symptoms of the Universe

My respiratory system has continued on it's all too predictable downward path. But a heavy cough that is like a punch to the chest, and a constant sweaty dizziness (the sweaty part might be because despite being mid-Septamber it is above 30 degrees) have yet to take me out of the game. I hit the studio every day and turned out six more paintings this week.

I'm much happier with the results and wonder if being sick and having to switch my brain to a sort of autopilot is not the best way for me to work. I'm sure the uneasiness of suddenly painting in a completely new environment had something to do with last week's mediocre output as well. It feels like I'm back on track despite my health being derailed.

I've also started a few smaller paintings that I hope to work on over a couple of weeks, going for a much more built up surface. The opposite of my other paintings.

A large roll of canvas should be arriving at my door next week, so I'll finally be able to begin applying my new work method to some larger surfaces (150cm x150cm?).

Painter Down

I  finished the first group of six paintings (Sept.6) since moving into the studio. The results were mixed. I tried to keep as light a touch and as limited a palette as I could but I feel the results are too tentative. I spent too much time worrying over making exactly the right move and that usually doesn't work out  well for me. My immediate reactions are usually more interesting than my most thought out compositional strategies. That either says a lot about my natural abilities or about my brain power.

No time to dwell, though, and I started the next six. Who knows what I'll think of these a week or two from now. It's often hard to separate the negative feelings and thoughts that you had during the creative process from the actual object that results. It takes time.

Been listening to a lot of Yeasayer, the newest Vampire Weekend, and a new EP by Fleetwood Mac in the studio these days.

As for the title of this post, it refers not only to my feelings about the latest work, but also to my allergies which, like clockwork, have resumed their barrage against me and my lungs. Thanks to the excellent treatment I've been getting from my new doctor, the actual asthma symptoms have been mild. But the phlegm, flushness, dizziness, and non-stop headaches have been in full effect.

I press on.

4 Days, 3 Nights

I was back in Nagasaki for the first time since moving. A home coming? I'm not sure. I don't exactly have a home there, only my cozy/ filthy studio. I guess it is my home, though. It's where I will eventually return and stay for the foreseeable future. So let's call it home.

Since I can remember, I've never been from where I lived. This must have some deep psychological ramifications, but...I'll let that go for now. At least, recently going to Hudson every summer has felt a lot like going home. If I had to choose a home that would probably be it anyway.

I got a couple of days of light painting done (mostly dicking around), one night of drinking with the boys, and one day of hangover/ family time. Not a bad long weekend.

My wife seemed very happy to be back. It's her home. 100%.